I’ve been more intentional with how I let people affect me lately.
I’ve been working on what I let get to me. Good & bad.
Whether it’s losing your best friend after they’ve been a complete asshole, or letting a complete stranger ruin your day with their idiotic driving techniques. We all let SHIT get to us.
Well I’ve been trying to stay in my lane and take responsibility for how I feel. By taking MY happiness out of other people’s hands’.
I read a quote that says “Tell everyone you know: My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook. And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel- and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good”
Ok, back up…
*start of tangent*
First of all, it fucking hurts when the people you have invested time/energy in, leave you/hurt you like it’s NOTHING.
It hurts when they lie or do you wrong with no answers, no explanations - just an oblivious ice cold, cut off or stab to the back. No sympathy, regret, or guilt.
Like hello??? Do they even realize or care about what they’ve done??
( listen, I’m sure I’ve done this to people too. )
Ok, but why do I care so much? “I don’t need someone toxic like that in my life. Oh, you’ll realize one day, and then ill be long gone buddy. Karma’s got my back. Revenge is sweet.” **
Blah blah blah. Not really helping me feel better.
All I feel is 10-year old Megan thinking, ouch that hurt dude, why would you do that?
So I want to defend her, and stand up for her, and have the answers for her, and go after that son of a bitch for not taking my loyalty, effort, or genuine intention for our relationship seriously.
Fuck the people who hurt me or did me wrong. Hate them. Bye. ..right?
I guess that’s one way to look at it.
I guess thats one place to put your energy.
Maybe it’s out of your control.
Maybe it’s just a sign for you to move forward without them.
Or it’s a blessing in disguise? One closed door so another one will open.
Its all about perspective.
Truth is- Not everyone is meant to be a forever friend. Some people are only here for a season.
Some people are just lessons. Let them go.
When I first started seeing a therapist out of curiosity to understand myself and work on my personal, emotional and relationship growth; she used to warn me that it was common to lose friends as you went along with the process of healing and growing.
Home girl was not lying.
Sometimes people fall out of your life as your frequency rises.
& this is part of your frequency rising.
So congratulations! you’re moving forward, you’re growing, you’re not same person you were last year, last month, even last week.
I hope you find comfort in this.
ALSO, does the motive behind their actions really have anything to do with you?
Most of the time it’s an internal battle. If they took the time to look inward, to unpack it and feel it, instead of projecting or reacting, maybe they could see where it’s coming from and handle it better.
Guess what? Not your problem :)
When I would tell my therapist a story about what one of my friends would do to piss me off, she would first push me to look inward, and ask what could I have done to fuel or take part in creating the situation?
…THEN when I would finally convince her I was perfect, she would look at me and genuinely say with her hand over her heart, “Wow she/he must be really hurting… and really unhappy…I feel bad for her/him megan.”
This completely changed the way I translated & processed betrayal from not just my friends, but everyone.
*end of tangent*
Back to the quote
“Tell everyone you know: My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook. And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel- and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good”
Stop reacting so NEGATIVELY to what other people are doing, saying, being, etc.
It’s so liberating to just know your happiness depends ON YOU.
Cause you’re an independent, high-vibing, focused, boss.
Not a bitch.
You don’t need look to others for happiness. You’ve got your back.
Ok so imagine your friend lying to you or being shitty, and you just become aware of the red flag, take note of it, identify with it as having nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Accept it, feel it, and then just move forward from it.
With or without them. No need to freak out.
Don’t put any energy toward it or against it. Choose to not let it effect you or bring you down.
If they identify with it and want to talk about it, yeah sure let them know “hey- this, this, and this hurt my feelings. here’s why. are you ok? whats going on with you?”
You’re not going to get anywhere but FRUSTRATED and more pissed off by forcing someone to understand and admit to what hurt you.
BE NEUTRAL. It’s all perspective.
Translate it as a blessing, a lesson, and their personal problem.
Stop being so reactive. Choose your battles.
This is big for me, because I have a short fuse, and I am not afraid of confrontation.
Whether you move forward with them, or without them, they will be hella shocked by the way you handled the situation.
And I can promise you there is nothing more effective than saying nothing. Silence. There is even a word directly related to keeping your mouth shut during these times. Tacenda: things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.
Forgive your enemies, it confuses them.
Misery loves company by the way. If you’re not going to be miserable with them, the only thing left for them to do is leave.
I try to remind myself I’ve got a lot to do and I’m thankful for that. Distractions and toxic people are only going to slow me down at this point.
Looking to the past gets you nowhere & we’re not looking for repeats.
Stop giving energy to the past.
Lastly, what if the energy you’ve been trying to manifest and attract for your future is trying to come into your life, but you’re not allowing it. Your life can’t be filled with new energy, unless you stop holding onto the past and old energy.
Some final take aways:
You glow different when you’re doing better. This pisses people off.
You cant see eye to eye with people who aren’t on the same level as you. That is fact.
The acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
It’s all about perspective - sometimes your greatest loss is your greatest gain.
Get busy being better, no time to be bitter.